Estate planners, organizers can help before and after a loss

Published on October 1, 2009

by Staci Giordullo

Having lost both his parents during or right after surgery, Dave Kline was adamant about organizing his affairs before undergoing a routine hernia operation. It was 1978, and his wife Jeanne understood his "engineer's mind" wanted everything in place — just in case the worst happened.

The day before, he confided the details of how to settle his estate and his preference for cremation. He told Jeanne to marry again and find a father for their children. He even prepared their income taxes in advance and planned to take them to his accountant's office that afternoon.

Then fate took a devastating twist: On his way home from delivering the taxes to the accountant, Dave was killed by a drunken driver. "He couldn't have known on a conscious level that he was going to die," Jeanne says. "But he wanted me spared. And that, to me, is a priceless gift."

Jeanne did remarry a few years later but after losing five family members in five years, she became a reluctant expert in processing death and all that it entails. With the encouragement of her new husband, Gene Smith, she started her company, Exit Stage Right in Palo Alto, Calif.

Specializing in estate organization, Jeanne is dedicated to providing the same level of peace of mind to others that her first husband gave her. "I call it a gift of love," she says.

Everyone can have a plan

Estate planning professionals estimate 70 percent of Americans don't have a will or trust. Many people put off planning because they don't like to think of their own mortality, but there's no way to dictate what happens to your assets from beyond the grave unless you have a plan.

"Every family should have an estate plan to protect assets like a home, insurance proceeds, family heirlooms and more," says Michael W. Halloran, a director with the National Association of Estate Planners & Councils.

A common misconception is that one must be wealthy to hire someone to assist in liquidating an estate. Professional organizers charge by the hour or by the job, and prices can range from $300 to $3,000 or more depending on the amount of work required.

"An estate is any property you own," says Julie Hall, owner of highly-rated The Estate Lady in Charlotte, N.C. "If you own a trailer on one acre of land, that's your estate."

Hall, who wrote a book titled "The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff," says people want peace of mind that the distribution of their property is going well and they're doing the right thing.

"A lot of times children don't feel it's their place to ask their parents about their finances and belongings — they don't want to come across as vultures," she says. "But you need to have the talk. Always come from a place of love, never greed."

Getting organized helps

While Jeanne prefers to work with clients while they're still healthy and lucid, she does frequently meet with children after a parent has already passed.

"It's fascinating," Smith says. "When we explain what we do and they realize they don't have to do it alone, you can see their countenance change."

Feelings of being overwhelmed typically accompany those dealing with the process of cleaning out a loved one's house. Angie's List member Mary Ivanhoe of Houston knew going through her mother's house would be a tremendous task.

"My mom was of the Depression-era, so she saved everything," Ivanhoe says. "I had mentally planned what I would do when the time came, but after my mom died I found it difficult to let go of her things."

Six months passed and still unable to part with her mother's belongings, Ivanhoe hired Patricia Rabon, owner of highly rated A to Y Organizing. "She advised, but ultimately everything was my decision," she says. "I'm glad I got some help."

Rabon says she also works with a lot with seniors who are getting ready to downsize, perhaps moving to an assisted living facility, and stresses that communication among family members is key to a successful move.

"Ask your children what sort of things they'd like of yours," she says. "If you want your daughter to have your crystal, give it to her now. That way you can enjoy it with her." In addition, Rabon recommends donating items to charity ahead of time in order to receive the benefit of the tax write-off. "I've had people pay for my services with the money they've written off on their taxes," she says.

Objective support for a hard task

The act of decluttering a home is an emotional journey for families. Having an objective third-party oversee the process can eliminate a lot of potential squabbling and heartache.

"I'm impartial — I don't really care about their stuff," says Marcie Lovett, owner of highly rated Organized by Marcie in Olney, Md. "I don't want to sound cold, and you do have to let people express their feelings. But if you spend the entire time reminiscing, nothing is going to get accomplished."

After her sister died, 84-year-old Barbara Conway hired Lovett to help sort her possessions and get her own affairs in order.

"My sister had lived with me and we let things pile up," Conway says. "I knew if I tried going through everything myself I would be indecisive. With Marcie, there was none of that."

Not only did Lovett help Conway clear out her sister's belongings, but she helped to organize her important personal documents and plan her funeral. "I'm by myself now and I didn't want the attorneys to handle it," Conway says.

What to do with unwanted belongings

Figuring out how to dispose of a lifetime collection of stuff can be daunting. Tracy Luther, owner of Tracy Luther Auctions and Antiques in St. Paul, Minn., says he consults with families about this several times a week.

"The family needs to determine what the goal is," Luther says. "If it's to empty the house and get it sold, bring in the professionals." Otherwise you run the risk of pitching valuable items. "Sometimes things need to be thrown away — and it's hard to tell people that," Luther says. "But there are usually a few things that would sell well in a competitive auction."

After it's determined what should, in fact, be thrown away, hauling companies specialize in whole-house clean outs. "We're called all the time for these types of jobs," says Tania Hall, spokeswoman for 1-800-Got-Junk? "It's always a different situation, but compassion is definitely a priority."

Fully aware that emptying a house — particularly one with fond memories — can add stress and worry to an already tense situation, Hall says their goal is to make the transition as smooth as possible. "We don't want any customer to lift a finger, other than to point to what is to be taken away," she says.

Professional organizers, movers and estate planners can help a family simplify a process that may seem impossible — either due to the sheer number of items, arguing between family members, or a sentimental attachment preventing anything from being discarded.

"It's like pulling off a Band-Aid," Hall says. "You can take it off real slow and painfully — or you can go to a professional.